A Dad's future

Snakes on a Plane!

No, no, not the crappy movie, who’s only saving grace came in the form of Samuel L Jackson shouting cliched lines at the camera.  This is for real.

North Malvern Clock Tower

According to Malvern Spa Association, North Malvern Clock Tower presented an unexpected challenge.  largely due to the tower itself being owned by Malvern Town Council, the land around the tower together with the parapet walls belonged to the Malvern Hills Conservators. Just to make life a little more exciting, the building was listed, and was the responsibility of Malvern Hills District Council.

For many years the entrance to the well house at the bottom of the tower had been boarded up and no water flowed. The project aimed to restore the flow and add some eye catching iron gates. Rose Garrard, who had done so much to promote Malvern water in the past, produced a design for the gates. Its sinuous curves reflected the flow of water, whilst the ivy leaves recalled the ivy that was once encouraged to crawl over the tower. Being a new design on a listed building, permission was needed. The application was nothing but thorough, and included painted iron bars cut only slightly too large to fit in any filing cabinet. With permission granted, Andrew Findlay of Eastnor Forge became the gate creator.

The actual building work on the tower stopped before it started. Having made an announcement in the Malvern Gazette that work was soon to begin, the police sequestered the tower. Officers were perched on the top keeping an eye on nefarious activities in the bushes below. This went on for nearly 6 months and increasingly questions were being asked about the delays. Sworn to secrecy, much time was spent on contemplating the line between discretion and deceit. Eventually, the Malvern Gazette reported the capture of a drugs dealer from Wolverhampton who had used the tower as his rendezvous. With that, work could begin in earnest in the spring of 2006.

In view of the kerfuffle in the bushes at the base of the tower, Ian Rowat, the Director of the Malvern Hills Conservators, convened a public meeting to discuss what to do about the overgrown bushes. There was no dispute about their removal and soon afterwards the field staff moved in and cleared the site.

Work on the structure of the tower progressed smoothly. Starting from the top: rain water had in times past spewed from the dragon gargoyles on the top of the tower. Sadly the throats of the dragons kept getting clogged with moss, the water then backed up and eked its way down the inside of the tower. Internal down pipes solved this.

The clock itself had been installed by Smiths of Derby in 1906, and it was restored in 2006, by Smiths of Derby. The southern face of the clock had had its glass face blacked out with tin, so often had it been smashed by the blasts from local quarries. With the end of quarrying long gone, the southern face was restored. Once lit by gas, electricity was installed to bring the faces to light again at night.

Down at the base of the tower, in the well house the water now flows capriciously. This was always the case; it had prompted the building of the tower and the 50,000 gallon tank behind it in the first place. That tank, is no longer water tight. Much time was spent tracing the water supply and eventually it was concluded that the well head lay some 50 m above the old chlorination plant, under a large round manhole cover. Too far to pipe to the tower, the supply was picked up in a sump under a square manhole cover on the path to the current reservoir. The blue MDPE pipe was then threaded through existing drains, into the back of the 50,000 gallon tank, through the tank and to the tap. From there it falls into a stone basin.

The stone basin is not original to the building. It came from one of Rose Garrard’s shopping expeditions. Knowing that a local auction was selling off humble stone water toughs which would be used at other sites, Rose was given a budget and sent to bid. The next day Rose called to say that she’d got what we wanted but she’d gone over budget. This was no surprise as she seemed to have bought half the ruins of ancient Rome, and this included the magnificent stone basin that now stands in the well room. And by how much had she burst the budget ?- £10. A bargain at any price.

There were some unexpected savings on the budget as well. The contractors unearthed the original brick path from the road to the tower. it had been thought that a new one would need to be built.

The Clock Tower

The steps up to the grass over the water tank

The grass over the water tank/quarry face.

The Leidenfrost Effect

Liquid nitrogen is famously one of the world’s coldest substances, it’s one of those things that you ordinarily wouldn’t put your hand in. Afterall, it freezes things instantly, so why would you?  It turns out that it doesn’t actually freeze things instantly, just nearly instantly!  If you’ve watched Terminator 2, you’ll know, it freezes and shatters things.  Seriously, steer clear!

Something I’ve learnt today, is, if you know what you are doing, you can actually dip your hand into liquid nitrogen.  I’m not sure why Theodore Grey decided that he would prove that the Leidenfrost Effect would, in fact, be kind to him and protect him from a shattered, useless excuse for a hand, but protect him it did.

It is important to note that this is one of those “do not try this at home” moments, the chances are you would, most likely, reproduce a scene from some grizzly slasher flick.  Not that I think most of you will have liquid nitrogen laid about at home, but you know, there are people about that would think this may be an ideal opportunity to wheel out Aunt Maude’s medicinal only liquid nitrogen.

To explain the theory further, the Leidenfrost effect is a phenomenon in which a liquid, in near contact with a mass significantly hotter than the liquid’s boiling point, produces an insulating vapor layer which keeps that liquid from boiling rapidly.  This is most safely demonstrated by heating a pan (without oil) and waiting until it’s extremely hot and dropping a couple of drops of cold water onto it.  Providing the The Leidenfrost point is exceeded (no, I don’t know!) the water will fly around the pan, rather than boiling and evaporating.

So, safe in this knowledge, Mr Grey decided this may be a good time to test the theory using his own hand. Now personally, I’d have used a kitten’s tail, a mate’s hand, a pig’s snout, but not my own hand, obviously Mr Grey had the courage of his convictions!

Theo also points out towards the end of the video that theoretically, the Leidenfrost Effect could protect a person’s hand from molten Lead.  Now I am looking forward to that video!

The Malverns

The name Malvern (originally applied to the ridge as a whole) is of Brythonic (Old Welsh) origin, moel fryn meaning “bald hill”. The summits of the hills were excellent defensive points. The Herefordshire Beacon is known as the British Camp, as the remains of a large Iron Age hill fort can be found at the summit. In the Middle Ages the hills were within the royal forest where deer would be hunted. Malvern Ridge marked the boundary between the Old English kingdoms of Hwicce and Magonsætan. The ridge also formed the traditional county boundary between Herefordshire and Worcestershire.  Monks at Great Malvern Priory first bottled the spring water at Holy Well in 1622. This is the earliest record of bottled water in the UK.

n 1884 the Malvern Hills Conservators were established through an Act of Parliament to preserve the natural aspect of the hills and protect them from encroachments. However by this time large-scale quarrying had already begun. Quarry works were set in motion in the 1870s at Tank Quarry and at Little Malvern by Pyx Granite Company. The Hills Conservators lobbied parliament to pass an Act limiting the exploitation, and although a second Act was passed in 1924 its provisions were largely ineffective. Quarrying continued until 1966. The landscape itself was irrevocably changed^‘ but there is some debate whether this has enriched or damaged the ecology of the Hills.  Certainly the quarrying has changed the Hills forever, including creating habitats for frogs, toads, newts and other small animals. The new cliffs provide nesting sites for falcons and many other birds. Some parts are used for personality development for children, especially deprived children, and abseiling and rock climbing courses are offered. The quarries, especially North Quarry and Tank Quarry, have over the years been the sites of several accidents requiring the Emergency Services.

Jon, Rach and I decided to visit the Herefordshire Beacon (aka British Camp), a place Jon and I had visited previously, but unable to complete for various reasons.  After Jon and I stopped several times (and Rach marched onward) we finally reached the top, the effort was well worth it, the view was outstanding.

British Camp is thought to have existed since the second century BC, and was extended by the addition of a Norman citadel. British Camp is composed of extensive earthworks and look remarkably like a giant tiered wedding cake. Midsummer Hillfort, only a mile south of the British Camp, was occupied permanently by up to 4,000 people for four to five hundred years. There are a number of generally round hut platforms on the British Camp, which may well suggest a permanent occupation. However it is unusual to have two major hillforts within such a short distance, when most are around ten miles apart.

Below are a few pictures I took while there, enjoy…….

The Stig

As many of you know, the BBC and Harper Collins are in a legal wrangle over the fact that Harper Collins (a multi million pound publishing company), are trying to release a book, disclosing the Stigs true identity.  Personally, I like the Stig, the mystique behind the stig and the general humour of the whole show, which is only enhanced by the anonymity of the Stig.

The Stig is the name given to the racing driver character on the BBC Television show Top Gear. In the show he is cast as a mysterious “Tame Racing Driver”.   He is credited alongside Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May as a presenter in the end credits.

The Stig’s primary functions on the show are to post Power Lap times in various cars around the Top Gear Test Track in Dunsfold Park, and to train each week’s celebrity guest in setting a lap time in the “Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car” feature on the show. In addition, The Stig carries out other driving and personal appearance duties when the need arises.

The original Stig actor, Perry McCarthy revealed his identity in his autobiography in 2002. In 2003 his character, the ‘Black Stig’, was killed off, and replaced with the ‘White Stig’. The BBC have refused to disclose the current Stig’s identity, attempting to gain an injunction against the publication of the autobiography of the White Stig actor, who, in several newspapers, was named as Ben Collins, based on Collins’ company records.

Andy Wilman (Top Gear executive producer) released a blog post on the issue last Friday, detailing his feelings about the ongoing court case, he raises many good points, and so as not to dilute the point, I will not repeat it in it’s entirety, but link you to his post.  http://transmission.blogs.topgear.com/2010/08/27/the-stig-he-is-ours/ .   It is well worth the read Andy Wilman speaks with passion about it, and I have to be honest, I tend to agree. He is also, as you’d expect from anyone in the TG team, really quite funny.

As you can tell I’m quite cross at the moment, but there’s plenty to be cross about. Last week, instead of working on the next series, I had to go to court. If you go to court you have to look smart, which meant I had to dig my suit out of the back of the wardrobe, and the last time I wore that suit George Michael could still drive in a straight line. So on Monday there I was, dressed like somebody who works behind the till at NatWest, having to listen to people from HarperCollins telling me that they have the right to reveal who the Stig is. Well actually, that’s tosh. The whole point of the Stig is the mystique – the bizarre characteristics he has, the wonderment created about what he might think, feel, do or look like. Kids adore the conceit, and I believe adults, although they know it’s a man in a suit (or is it?), gladly buy into the whole conceit because they find it entertaining. Even the papers, who love to make mischief, have kept everyone guessing over the years because they acknowledge that viewers like the Stig secrecy thing.

I, for one, hope they keep the identity secret.

Jon, it’s your fault!

Subtitled – Tilt Shift Photography.

The phrase “tilt-shift” describes a photographic technique that is used to create special effects when taking a photo.  Usually a camera lens that can be moved (shifted) and pointed at different angles (tilted) is used. This can have the effect of changing the focus of the picture in unusual ways. Often though, as Tilt Shift lenses can be prohibitively expensive, software is used.  The are Tilt Shift generators online, but photoshop users (and other software users no doubt), can reproduce the effect quite simply.  Photo’s manipulated in software are often referred to as “Fake miniatures”, as they are pictures of real-life scenes.

My good friend Jon has an excellent tutorial, to help those amongst you that are budding Tilt Shifters, on his website http://e-clecticism.blogspot.com

Below are a few pictures I have manipulated using Jon’s tutorial, I hope you like them….

The final two pictures also demonstrate the awesomeness of Photoshop CS5 and it’s Content Aware filter, but more of that later.

Don’t Panic

Douglas Adams (11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001) was an English writer and dramatist. He is most famously known as the author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which started life in 1978 as a BBC radio comedy before developing into the hugely successful trilogy (of five) books that sold over 15 million copies in his lifetime, a television series, several stage plays, comics, a computer game, and in 2005 a feature film.

He also wrote Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (1987) and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul (1988), and co-wrote The Meaning of Liff (1983), Last Chance to See (1990), and three stories for the television series Doctor Who. A posthumous collection of his work, including an unfinished novel, was published as The Salmon of Doubt in 2002.

The passage below is taken from the Salmon of Doubt, and, for me, is an excellent example of Douglas Adams’ wit and writing ability.

Cookies by Douglas Adams

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong.

I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.

I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind.

Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.

It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.

You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?

In the end I thought, nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.

Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice . . .” I mean, it doesn’t really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.

Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.

The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line.

I don’t know about you, but in my mind the late, great Douglas Adam’s was one hell of a man.

A new take on old books.

The books below are a modern version of some of my childhood favourites. The are (obviously) photoshopped, very tasteless, definitely not PC, but funny nonetheless!

Kudos to Mat for forwarding them to me.

Patrick Boivin

Patrick Boivin, was born in 1975 and is a film maker from Montreal, Canada.  He is best know for his stop motion work.  He is often involved in the lighting, editing, animation and special effects, as well as directing.

His films have been featured at several international film festivals around the world, including the Montreal World Film Festival, the Festival International du Court Métrage de Clermont-Ferrand (France), the Commonwealth Film Festival, and the Festival de Namur.

Boivin started his creative career by drawing comic books, and is quoted as saying he, “quickly discovered that it was faster to tell a story with video.”

He has his own channel on youtube, where he showcases his work.  It is worth watching his “making of” series, I think they make the videos themselves even greater.  As sample of his work is shown below, personally, I think it is brilliance at it’s utmost.

Ever had a speeding fine? Not like this….

The 37-year-old Swedish man was driving at two and a half times the speed limit in his £140,000 Mercedes and police said he was travelling so fast it took him some distance to stop.

In Switzerland speeding fines are worked out using a formula based on the income of the motorists and the severity of the speed. According to prosecutors he is now facing the highest possible penalty of 300 days of fines at £2,166 a day – a total of £650,000.

“We have no record of anyone being caught travelling faster in the country,” said a police spokesman, after they.

He was caught by a speed camera on the A12 highway between Bern and Lausanne on Friday.

He escaped being zapped by numerous radars en-route simply because he was going too fast and they were incapable of clocking speeds beyond 125mph. It was a new generation of radar machines that finally caught him travelling at close to 186mph.

“I think the speedo on the car, which is new, is faulty,” he told police by way of an explanation.

The police arrested him shortly afterward and released him after questioning.

Benoît Dumas, a police officer in the region where the six-litre Mercedes SLS was stopped, said: “He needed over half-a-kilometre of road to come to a halt.”